Yvonne Partyka (no photo available) is the co-author of Surviving Shattered Dreams: A Story of Hope After Despair (WinePress, 2009). Her co-author, Joanne Klinger, was featured on this blog October 6th. Both women were married to pastors who led double lives that plunged their churches and families into chaos. Yvonne has now remarried and works with her second husband in marriage mentoring, blended families, single parent groups and adult Sunday School. Look for her Book Give-away below.
Am I Abandoned?
(NOTE: This excerpt from the book comes after Yvonne remarried.)
He wasn’t there. Oh well, I thought, he’s probably standing at the baggage claim. I walked to the nearest phone. No answer would reassure me that he was tied up in traffic and would be there shortly. The phone rang twice and then I heard Bill say, “Hello.”
“Bill?” I can’t believe I’m hearing his voice. It would have been a relief to get the answering machine. How could he do this to me? I felt confused and betrayed.
“Hi, honey, how’s it going?” Bill asked much more cheerfully than I could imagine.
Doesn’t he get it? My voice was etched with anxiety. “Do you know where I am?”
“No, where are you? Is something wrong?”
“I’m at the airport—waiting for you to pick me up,” I said icily.
“Oh, I’m so sorry. I thought you were coming in tomorrow. Well,” he said apologetically, “try to hang in there, OK? I’m leaving immediately. It’ll take me about an hour.”
Bill must have sensed the insecurity in my voice, as he tried to assure me. “Honey, I love you! I’ve missed you terribly and I’m sorry I goofed on your pick-up day.”
It helped a little. We agreed on an exact pick-up spot. I gathered my luggage, walked to the nearest restroom for some privacy and fell apart. I sobbed uncontrollably for several minutes. Drained emotionally, I washed my face, pulled myself together and walked to the area where we were to meet. True to his word, Bill pulled up shortly. As he got out of the car to help me with my luggage, he took me in his arms and held me. I clung desperately to him and wouldn’t let him go for the longest time.
…I was suffering the trauma of a long history of feeling abandoned. I felt abandoned when Ted said he was leaving me for another woman. I felt abandoned when I moved clear across the country by myself. I felt abandoned when…
Where are you, God? Have you abandoned me also? I used to ask these questions. Sometimes I did feel God’s presence, but other times it se
emed as if no one was out there. The sense of loss and loneliness was often greater than I could handle, and the process of coming to grips with all of this took time. There were no instant fixes but there were reassuring words in the Bible: “The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged” (Deuteronomy 31:8).
BOOK GIVE-AWAY: Leave a comment in the box below to be entered in a drawing for a free book. The drawing will take place Wednesday, November 4.